Here’s a challenge — re-write the following craptastical post by Halley Suitt to eliminate most of whatever makes it suck:

There is something so classic about heavy metal Gothic videos. They all look alike. Big dining room table in big dark mansion, cobwebs on candlesticks, pierced girls with much mascara. Top 20 Countdown, some things you can just always depend on.

Halley Suitt (Webbly 2.0ischenfrau and mother) and Jeannine Gailey Hall (tech writer and poet) take their lickin’ from Madame L. this morning in a brilliant post that includes the line..

let’sputthemotherfuckerbackinmfa

There is so much high level bullshit to rail against one scarcely knows where to start. When was the last time a country made a commitment and kept it past the next general election? Screw Israel and screw the Hezbollah. Screw Lebanon, screw Iraq, screw Saudi Arabia, screw Iran, screw North Korea, screw the nasty Bush oligarchy and their entire criminal conspiracy. Screw the ridiculously deluded millions of people who allow their metaphysics to cloud their reason, their religion to subvert their humanity, their own best interests to be dominated by charismatic and sexual pitches from polished marketing propagandists of all persuasions.

Screw public relations. Screw marketing. Screw journalism and screw so called higher education, a window backwards into a medieval world so messed up that they still parade around in robes and issue credentials for thoughtfulness. Screw philosophy and philosophers of every type. Screw art and artists. Screw everyone whose pursuit makes them so special that the rest of us don’t get what they’re talking about. Screw everyone who doesn’t get what everyone else is talking about. Screw poets… strike that, the sick bastards will find some way to enjoy it and use it against you. Screw sexual politicians and screw nasty big-ass geeks who don’t know identity politics from authentication systems. Screw open source and all the open source-iacs. Screw the proprietary nonsense too. Screw everyone who doesn’t get that Sonny Bono gave us all a gift when he secured the mouse franchise for another hundred and fifty years. Screw Sonny Bono. Screw his widow too. Screw every rich and famous jerk who has a skiing accident. Screw anyone dumb enough to be both a Democrat and a flyer in light aircraft. Screw the assassins, the Mossad, the CIA, the RSVP and the rest of those degenerate assholes.

That’s not the point. Those are some of the easy targets. The hard stuff is out there in Murry Gunty land, where there are children who will Google their dad someday and be not proud of him. The hard stuff is looking at Halley Suitt and telling her to back up, turn around, get straight and get real… look at her peers and find a better role model than Jack Welch. Telling her to write well or give it up for a while. Telling her that the CEO schtick is not that cool, that Bud’s Filling Station and Body Shop has just as big a payroll as she does, a lot heavier capitalization, and Bud doesn’t mess with the CEO shit even though he does great fender work. Telling her for god’s sake just go to North Beach and eat Italian. Don’t tart it up with cutesy-wootsy little cable car Tony Bennett bullshit.

How many wikipedia links between Jack Welch and decimation as a practice of the ancient Roman Legions?