Halley Suitt writes,
… these dark and odd wild turkeys. They travel as a gang — about 13 in their posse — and there’s something menacing about them. They have dark rubbery necks and they are really large — bigger than big pigs. When they get in a bad mood, they rear up and start flapping their wings and show off their big tail feathers like peacocks. I really don’t like them and wish they’d go away.
Pigs come in a variety of sizes, but I think we can safely say that a “big pig” probably weighs over 200 pounds. If there are 200 pound turkeys in Halley’s backyard, quelle science project!
Oh, and about those tail feathers, Halley? It’s Spring. Careful observation will show that a lot of animals and birds seem to be in that “bad mood” at this time of year. Next thing you know they’ll probably be “fighting” with each other. Perhaps we should ask Doctor Freud about why those “dark, rubbery necks” seem so threatening to you.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Aunt Hentic 03.12.07 at 1:44
Good Kitchen Smells Without Cooking: If you don’t have the time to bake all day in your kitchen, create an inviting smell instead by putting a few drops of cinnamon, anise, orange or peppermint oil on a cotton ball and put it on the inside of the cardboard tube of the paper towel roll or dab on a dried-flower arrangement. Simmer a small pot of water and add a drop of the essential oil that matches the mood you want to create.
Halley, dear, I find if I don’t have sexual relations for quite some time I go a bit batty myself and start getting paranoid of all sorts of things that I wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow to when “relaxed”.
On the other hand, I do see your point and concern for your son (if indeed he ever goes out of the house; most don’t these days):). Perhaps a talk with fish and game is in order? Like you don’t have enough to do already. LOLing here picturing you and Maryamy Scoble luncheoning at some charity for those less fortunate or retarded. I know how you are! Always running, always hobnobbin’ Playing with the bigboys, etc. but I respect your just do it attitude.
Well that’s my two cents in. I’m going out in the cold (it’s still dark here in Ekalaka Lake!) brrrrrrr and see if any of those chickens have earned their keep! English breakfast tea in your favorite cup anyone? My hubby will be hungry when he wakes up;)
You go girl! You’re awesome! A new hat might perk you up! Or a sexy pair of shoes. C’mon, you deserve it! A smile is a frown upsidedown:)
tree shapiro 03.12.07 at 3:25
fp, you clownmensch asshat, as per usual you’re missing the top bulleted point. the real story here is THE SCOBLES. they, i shit you not, are like the pitt-jolie’s, lindsay lohan and desperate housewives mashed up. halley is butt a mere mrs. mccloskey to marymammy’s lynette.
to wit:
How tall are you again?
I am standing in the kitchen, having just got home from work, and waiting for my cup of tea to warm up in the microwave. Robert walks in after me and seeing me standing there, comes close, pulls me to him and starts kissing me. Then he stops, holds my face in his hands and stares in to my eyes.
He says smiling: “hmmm, you’ve gotten taller baby. You look good this way.”
I respond laughing: “ummm, I am wearing high heels.”
“Oh,” he says relieved, as if someone just explained the meaning of life to him, “I was wondering how come you looked taller tonight.”
And these words come from (according to a few well known publications anyway), one of the most important personalities in the Internet. Internet: I’ll be worried if I were you.
oh, i Am worried marymammy. i am fuckin shakin in my clownsuit and fingering my red bulbous nose for comfort. i’m losing sleep over this. but if i were the internets’s own mrs. mccloskey i’d get a gun, shoot those fuckers and get it overwith. yawn. you know her kid don’t play outside. and call me kreskin but i think halley mccloskey needs some sex. stat.
find the scoble post yourself. i’m late for the dogs.
tree shapiro 03.12.07 at 3:35
and if i win, today, at the track, i will pay anyamount of money to have a peek at the bookshelves of both of those luminaries.
chicken soup series: goes without saying
lots of relationship books
how to be sexy for your man
you know the drill
look, i don’t have time for this. someone else venture some guesses. we could make a small wager and get someone neutral like say joi ito to find out in a btw meme or some shit. it can be done.
oh yeah, the artists way is a shoe-in.
Joey 03.13.07 at 6:43
The turkeys in my backyard are only out early morning, as soon as the sun rises . They hide at the first sound or smell of me as soon I get within 50 feet with my $8,000 camera outfit. I have no idea how she managed a picture of such shy, sissy, delicious creatures!