Listics

The playground is a play. There are props, conventions, and roles. Children learn to “use their words” with scripted lines like “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.” This in response to a hurtful accusation like “Liar, liar, pants on fire…” I was always more of an “I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you” kind of guy; but I was speechless in the face of the threatening playmate who liked to say, “See my finger, see my thumb, see my fist you better run.” (Later I learned about slant rhyme and wished I had said, “Well, aren’t you a little Emily Dickinson!”) L’esprit d’escalier…

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I think we’re sitting on the rusty tracks of a railroad siding in China Camp in the spring of 1983. Matt is on the left, Ben is on the right, and some young guy with no gray hair is in the center. We’re tossing stones and talking smart.

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met with the cardio specialist today (and his “fellow,” only she wasn’t actually a fellow, quite the opposite really, perhaps a sly trick by the cardiology team to see what might happen to my EKG, but I digress…)

so the specialist and his fellow, they said “Your heart sometimes is beating a little fast, is that what’s troubling you Bunky?”

and I was all like, “Yeah, that’s what happened, I guess.”

and they were all like, “Well, based on the tests,” and here they pulled out an impressive array of charts with waveforms scribbled across them. “We’re pretty sure that you’ve got a case of AtrioVentricular Nodal Reentrant Tachycardia or AVNRT as we in the heart biz like to call it.”

so I was like, “What’s that mean exactly?”

and they were like, “Sometimes your heart beats fast.”

and I was all like, “Dohhh.”

and they said, “There are three things you can do. 1) You can let us slide a laser up this artery from your inner thigh into your heart and burn the nerve path away that causes the tachycardia; or, 2) You can take these pills that will slow your heart way down, take them in the morning though so you don’t die in your sleep, and we have the two kinds of pills, the calcium blockers that make your ankles swell up like you’ve been infected with elephantiasis, or the beta blockers which will make you all impotent and like that; or, 3) You can do nothing and just address it when and if your heart beats fast again.”

I tried to keep a straight face. “AVNRT? I queried.

“Fo’ shizz” says the surgeon. “Big ups on the short term memory, dude!” says his fellow (who ain’t).

“So the laser thing,” I muttered, and they took it from there with much talk about ablation and curative and 90% success rate…

“About that 10 percent?” No problem, no problem, if they don’t get it the first time they just go in again, leave what looks like a hickey on your thigh, scarcely one in a hundred end up with the wrong nerve scorched and a permanent pacemaker implanted, and I don’t think we’ve ever had a little mix-up like that here at Seattle Grace…

Bullshit, thinks I. I’ve watched that show. DNA flying all around the OR. But they’re all like, “It’s an outpatient procedure and we have two of the best electro-physiologists available for the job.”

“Tell me about that third option.”

“Well, what you have isn’t life threatening.”

“That means it won’t kill me, right?”

“Exactly. And if you experience discomfort you can do one of a number of things. You can bear down like your having a bowel movement.” (I’m thinking, yeah, like I want to crap my pants). “Or you can massage your carotid arteries and interrupt the looping that’s going on in your heart nerves. Or some people find if they splash cold water on their face they can make their heart slow down.”

End result: I let them write me a scrip for the calcium blocker (generic, five bux co-pay). I took it home and stuffed it in the drawer. I’m going to try the cold water on the face thing if it happens again.

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Ongoing diagnostic and treatment info on my recent rapid heart rate (supraventricular tachycardia) incident:

Thyroid test was okay. Stress echocardiography coming up someday soon to get a picture of how my heart is functioning. The phrase “mitral valve prolapse” came up in conversation with a doctor, but that may have been a for instance. An echocardiogram would probably show that if it exists. Right now it feels a lot like a tarot reading, or the I Ching. There are a lot of elements and we’re looking at them closely to see how they’re arranged.

I haven’t opened my I Ching very often in the last twenty years. Here’s what I threw this morning after writing the above notes…

the trigram above - KEN - Keeping Still, Mountain
the trigram below - KEN - Keeping Still, Mountain

from the Wilhelm-Baynes translation of “the I Ching or the Book of Changes”

I-Ching Hexagram 52 - Ken - Keeping Still, Mountain

In its application to man, the hexagram turns upon the problem of achieving a quiet heart. it is very difficult to bring quiet to the heart. While Buddhism strives for rest through an ebbing away of all movement in nirvana, the Book of Changes holds that rest is merely a state of polarity that always posits movement as its complement. Possibly the words of the text embody directions for the practice of yoga.

THE LINES

Six at the beginning means:
Keeping his toes still.
No blame.
Continued perseverance furthers.

Keeping the toes still means halting before one has even begun to move. The beginning is the time of few mistakes. At that time one is still in harmony with primal innocence. Not yet influenced by obscuring interests and desires, one sees thing intuitively as they really are. A man who halts at the beginning, so long as he has not yet abandoned truth, finds the right way. But persisting firmness is needed to keep one from drifting irresolutely.

…and with the six in the first place, the hexagram changes to:

I-Ching Hexagram 22 - Pi - Grace

the trigram above - KEN - Keeping Still, Mountain
the trigram below - LI - the Clinging, Fire

THE JUDGMENT

GRACE has success.
In small matters
It is favorable to undertake something.

______

Hexagram graphic © Ben Finney

Had a bout of tachycardia today, but I didn’t know what it was when it came on. Seemed pretty obvious I was having heart trouble though. Beth drove me to the University Hospital Emergency Room. I presented as a 63 old, overweight, male, lightheaded, experiencing dizziness, shortness of breath, clamminess, chest discomfort.

They were kind enough to skip most of the intake paperwork and take me down to the examining room, shove an IV in my arm, and take my vitals: Pulse rate about 170, blood pressure way high. They hooked me up to the EKG machine and ran a few tests. The doc came back and prescribed an adenosine treatment. They shoved a dose of that down the IV efectively shutting down the electrical activity in my heart.

Within maybe ten seconds, my heart picked up with a normal heart beat, all the ER staff let out the breath they were holding, my blood pressure started down, and over the next few hours lying about watching the Disney channel, my heartbeat returned to my normal 68, and my blood pressure returned to the usual 120/78 or so.

Didn’t see any white light, but felt an uncomfortable pressure, first in the carotid arteries, then in the femoral, and my whole body felt flushed. Felt somehow cheated to have remained conscious while my heart was re-booted. But, the worst discomfort I experienced was the removal of all the tape and electrodes. Carla, the ER nurse, was quick, but enough hair came off with each tug that I was more than glad when it was over.

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Not finished, but at least I’m squared away enough to do some work here.

Returned from the dentist less one molar. Preparing to enjoy a nice dish of cottage and ketchup, with chocolate ice cream for dessert.

Because of the odd jokes.

> >15. Where do you find a dog with no legs?
> >Right where you left him.
> >
> >17. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
> >Because it scares the dog.
> >
> >19. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
> >The location of the dirt bag.

I have a horrible toothache. I am whining about it. The dentist can see me at 4:20pm. This is the best I can do blogging-wise until my appointment. Aspirin helps a little. Very little.