I hope “Crash” McCain and Miss Alaska are listening to this, because I’d hate like hell to see them suffer eternal damnation for the way they’ve run their campaign. Crash and Miss Alaska court the vote of the great unwashed Jesusland voter, the cultists and faith-besotted unfortunates who, whether out of intellectual laziness, perverse passive aggressive bone-headedness, or simple in-bred stupidity, assert that “god” has a place in our secular governance.
So here it is Johnny boy… Sarah… Â Your mortal souls are in danger and your moral relativist christian supporters seem to be letting you take the fall on this one. Your christian faith borrowed ten commandments from the Jews as foundational religious law. Your followers suggest that it is fundamentally wrong to lie. There’s some confusion about the enumeration, is it the eighth commandment as Lutherans and Catholics declare, or the ninth as the run of the mill Arkansas snake handlers and your mega-church minions prefer? It doesn’t matter. The commandment is out there along with the other biggies, the injunctions against idolatry and murder, adultery and theft. I know, I know… you’ve already suffered a couple of big whoopsies on the adultery and theft front, so why not let slide your veracity? It doesn’t matter how you play the game, it matters whether you win or lose. It’s come down to that for you, hasn’t it?
Steven Waldman suggests that this is your movement’s moment of moral relativism. A little lying now to get you elected will pay off down-stream in sufficient cultural destruction to hasten the end times. The ends now justify the means among christians. And I thought that was reserved for commies, for our enemies in general. I thought your movement laid claim to the moral high ground, putting principles first. I thought that an absolute faith in the ridiculous bullshit your followers stand for required attention to details like the ten commandments. I thought that modest men and women taking a principled stand against abortion and science and public education would be among the first to take a stand against false witness.
Obviously, I was wrong.
- You said Obama promoted sex education for kindergartners. LIE. Dooms you to hell.
- You said Obama wants to raise taxes for working families. LIE. Dooms you to an eternity wallowing in bullshit.
- You said Obama has stooped to sexist criticism of Miss Alaska herself. Obvious falsehood. America loves her lipstick covered piggy little snout and it certainly does not behoove Obama to draw further attention to the comely cover-girl features of the woman in line to be first miss piggy of the USA.
- You said that Miss Alaska told Congress “thanks but no thanks” on the bridge to nowhere. Bzzzt! Half-truth. Counts as a lie. Eternal damnation.
- You said that Miss Alaska sought no earmarks for Alaska. Bzzt. Bold faced lie. 200,000,000 years in purgatory, one for each dollar of earmarks you sought to whitewash away.
Now I don’t expect Miss Alaska to get these right. She doesn’t even know who wrote the check for her tanning bed. But c’mon “Crash.” After the all the promises you made to god regarding the kind of life you’d lead if only he’d free you from the commies, and protect you from Neil Bush and the Savings and Loan scandal, and stop the spread of melanoma… after all the close calls you’ve had where a little divine intervention was called for and received, I thought you would respect the truth.