Listics

Okay… I already cut and pasted this into email and sent it around some.  No reason not to lift it straight into the blog, it being so scientific and all… thanx for the laffs to sweet Betsy D. Vine

GV
Berkeley just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet

known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium".

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it
has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. It can be detected,
however, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A reaction that normally takes one minute or less will require a week
or more if contaminated by any Governmentium.

The half-life of
Governmentium is 4 years. It does not, however, decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons
and deputy neutron exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will
actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. The characteristic of
moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is
formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is called "Critical Morass".