Listics

Yes, it’s time for me to share another one of those humorous items otherwise known as forwarded spam.  Take it away Dr. Laura and friends…

On Laura Schlesinger's radio show recently, she said that, as anobservant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according toLeviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following isan open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was postedon the Internet. It’s funny, as well as thought-provoking.

         ******************************************        Dear Dr. Laura:

        Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s        Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to        share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When        someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I        simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an        abomination… End of debate.   I do need some advice from        you, however, regarding some other elements of  God’s Laws and        how to follow them.

        1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male        and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring        nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,        but not Canadians.  Can you clarify?  Why can’t I own        Canadians?

        2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned        in Exodus 1:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would        be a fair price for her?

        3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she        is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.  The        problem is how do I  tell?  I have tried asking, but most women        take offense.

        4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it        creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.  The problem        is, my neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.        Should I smite them?

        5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the  Sabbath.        Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I        morally obligated to kill  him myself, or should I ask the        police to do it?

        6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is        an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than        homosexuality.  I don’t agree.  Can you settle this?  Are        there degrees of abomination?

        7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God        if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear        reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there        some wiggle-room here?

        8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including        the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly        forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?

        9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead        pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear        gloves?

        10. My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev.19:19 by planting         two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing        garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester        blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it        really necessary that we go to all the trouble of  getting the        whole town together to stone them?  Lev.24:10-16.  Couldn’t we        just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with        people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14) I know you        have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy        considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you        can help.  Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is        eternal and unchanging.                Signed,                An adoring fan

       "It’ll take a long time to restore chaos." — George W. Bush