9th
June
2004
Why Phoenix…
posted in High Noise - Low Signal |
Harvey Manfredjensenden offers the following insights into why Phoenix has grown to be the sixth largest city in America:
- Phoenix attracts old people who’ve led particularly evil lives. The hellish desert heat acclimates them to their rapidly approaching afterlife.
- Phoenix attracts Frank Herbert fans pretending they live on Arrakis.
- If meat eaters hate animals, vegetarians must hate plants. If vegetarians hate plants, they must like a place nearly devoid of native plants. Phoenix is nearly devoid of native plants. Phoenix therefore attracts vegetarians. Q.E.D.
- Dead flesh decomposes more slowly in an arid desert environment. Phoenix attracts people who believe its arid desert climate preserves live flesh too.
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