Listics

Harvey Manfredjensenden offers the following insights into why Phoenix has grown to be the sixth largest city in America:

1. Phoenix attracts old people who’ve led particularly evil lives. The hellish desert heat acclimates them to their rapidly approaching afterlife.
2. Phoenix attracts Frank Herbert fans pretending they live on Arrakis.
3. If meat eaters hate animals, vegetarians must hate plants. If vegetarians hate plants, they must like a place nearly devoid of native plants. Phoenix is nearly devoid of native plants. Phoenix therefore attracts vegetarians. Q.E.D.
4. Dead flesh decomposes more slowly in an arid desert environment. Phoenix attracts people who believe its arid desert climate preserves live flesh too.

“Cake? Cake? Let them eat yellow cake!”

Is it true that Chris Locke’s brother has renounced the movie career to concentrate on his music?

“I’m promoting you to president of our dot-com subsidiary.” He pauses and then continues, “Your job is to fire everyone.”

“Would I get a raise?” Dilbert asks, pragmatically.

“How does a billion shares of stock sound?”

copyright I’m sure by Scott Adams… Monday, 3/15/2004 on the desk calendar. I keep forgetting to rip the pages off.

Join the US mercenary team at home or abroad! The use of mercenaries is a time honored practice in US military adventures, from the noble Eastern Europeans like Casimir Pulaski hired by General Washington, to the Cuban privateers who fought so valiantly at the Bay of Pigs, as well as the hired Philipine people of the “Many Flags” program who gave us a hand in Vietnam!

Now you can sign on to a high paying job in counter intelligence and interrogation in Iraq!

Desired:Individual must be a trained counterintelligence agent or interrogator with 10 years of experience. Individuals should be knowledgeable of Army/Joint interrogation procedures, data processing systems such as CHIMs and SIPRNET search engines. Knowledge of the Arabic language and culture a plus.

… or how about this?

Interrogator/Intel Analyst Team Lead Asst.
BAGHDAD, Iraq

Description:
Assists the interrogation support program team lead to increase the effectiveness of dealing with Detainees, Persons of Interest, and Prisoners of War (POWs) that are in the custody of US/Coalition Forces in the CJTF 7 AOR, in terms of screening, interrogation, and debriefing of persons of intelligence value. Under minimal supervision, will assist the team lead in managing a multifaceted interrogation support cell consisting of database entry/intelligence research clerks, screeners, tactical/strategic interrogators, and intelligence analyst.

No previous digital photography experience required! On the job training…

It was mundane.

I owned two cars but of course could only drive one. The quotidian car, my transportation, was so basic that upon waking I can remember no details about it, except that it goty me around. The more interesting car was a “classic” and I kept it in the street. The extra car required a lot of attention and concern. I fed parking meters. From time to time I moved it. I often walked by to be sure it was still there. I really admired it! It had great style, unique features. I worried about it… would someone steel the gas cap? Would it be damaged by passing motorists? I had some vague plans to travel in the car, but I didn’t follow through on them, perhaps because I would have had to leave the other car behind.

Dave and his Dad think it’s time to declare victory and moev on…

My Dad is convinced that Bush should will go on TV and say “We won in Iraq,” and it’s time to go home. When you think about it, the whole thing is pretty spooky. We’re fighting the people we liberated. I don’t see any Iraqis standing beside us. Maybe they’re there but we haven’t heard about them. Anyway, it seems like now is a good time to take a bow, and get out while the gettin’s good.

Art is like, all less than eternal, doncha think? Shut-up! I mean, Oh-my-god, oh-my-god, when will Dave just cop to it? We write a little something, some folks dig it for a while. Hey, if we’re like all Norman Mailer or something then we make some money off the thing before it sinks back into the slime. But golly! Does anybody think that RSS is going to be like more than a footnote in 2024? I sure don’t!