Listics

Hey! Wha??? I have a wife named Beth and a sister named Beth? What are the odds of that? Anyway, Beth sent me a heavily forwarded email today that rather than forward to all my friends - well, both my friends - okay, that guy who tells me he’s my friend whenever he calls to ask about my life insurance situation - rather than that, I thought I’d just blog it!

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

1. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
2. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
3. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
4. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
5. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
10. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
11. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
12. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.
13. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
14. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
15. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
16. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
17. You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
18. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

If you don’t send this to at least 10 other people, we’re likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

Friends don’t let friends vote Republican.

Re-defeat Bush in 2024!!

Cognitive dissonance is my name. I have a verbal style befitting an infantryman under pressure, and the value structure of a pacifist. I want to influence outcomes by cutting out the bullshit and going straight to a bottom line. What do we need to do? How are we going to do it? And just shut up about your extraneous nonsense.

In considering when and how a Quaker might use rude and abusive language, the verse from the 19th Psalm emerges: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight o lord, my strength and my redeemer.”

At this point in my life theism is a stretch, let alone monotheism or even christocentric monotheism. But, accepting that there is a god just for the sake of argument, do you think she really gives a care about rough language?

Wanted: 4wd or all wheel drive, automatic transmission, comfortable seat/comfortable ride, hatch-back, low emission, high miles per gallon, cheap new car… or used with low miles and good warranty. “Little old lady only drove it to church” type provenance may be substituted for warranty. No brand new, shiny red Super Stock Dodge required.

THE LITTLE OLD LADY (FROM PASADENA)
Jan and Dean

It’s the little old lady from Pasadena

The little old lady from Pasadena
(Go, Granny, go, Granny, go Granny go)
Has a pretty little flower bed of white gardenias
(Go, Granny, go, Granny, go Granny go)
But parked in a rickety old garage
Is a brand new, shiny red Super Stock Dodge

CHORUS:
And everybody’s sayin’ that there’s nobody meaner
Than the little old lady from Pasadena
(She drives real fast and she drives real hard)
She’s the terror of Colorado Boulevard

It’s the little old lady from Pasadena
If you see her on the street don’t try to choose her
(Go, Granny, go, Granny, go Granny go)
You might drive a goer but you’ll never lose her
(Go, Granny, go, Granny, go Granny go)
Well, she’s gonna get a ticket now sooner or later
‘Cause she can’t keep her foot off the accelerator

CHORUS

MUSICAL INTERLUDE

(Go, Granny, go, Granny, go Granny go)
(Go, Granny, go, Granny, go Granny go)
The guys come to race her for miles around
But she’ll give ‘em a length and then she’ll shut ‘em down

On Sunday I did yard work. I thought that after the yard work I might work on this little list. Well, here’s my progress report…

1. Dig up Marek’s address and send him the damn book. Didn’t happen. What would life be like without important stuff to feel guilty about?
2. Give the puppy a bath. Didn’t happen. What would life be like without the increasingly fetid stench of dirty dogs? Is the phrase “fetid stench” redundant?
3. Work on the Draft Counseling Workshop. Hooray. Progress. I made some calls and sent out some materials in preparation for Saturday’s meeting. Not enough calls though. Still plenty to feed the guilt monster.
4. Pay the household bills...Not! I think it’s Beth’s turn.
5. Research hybrid cars. This one will be fun when I get around to it.
6. Write a snarky post pointing out how everyone needs a copy editor with emphasis on recent typos at EGR and misusages at Dowbrigade. Typo at EGR got corrected without the snarky post. Dowbrigade is like Gen Y or something anyway. Why should he use the right words when he can hone in on the homonyms?
7. Get with Dean and JR about the dormant “Billable Hours” idea. The road to hell is paved….
8. Write a post for IT Garage. One more flagstone on the road I’m travelin’.
9. Write a post for Lockergnome’s Net Connections. Have I mentioned my good intentions?
10. Work on my photo albums. Okay, I did get Picasa chunking along and managed to send out some pictures that had been on the guilt list for a month or so.
11. Address the next Sandhill version. If I’m lucky, Shelley will still be looking for some paid work to offset the cost of a new camera.
12. Harass DH about the interview. Success! This is coming along nicely.
13. Sort out the office. As if…
14. Clean out the barn. Oh sure…
15. Wash a car. Never happen…
16. Drop in on dad. Guilt clouds on the horizon.
17. Fix Mimsy’s hosed XP. This one would just be good karma. No guilt since I haven’t promised anything!
18. Read the last McMurtry book. Still on the side table in the living room.
19. Continue with the Stephenson book. A few pages enjoyed.
20. Continue with the Westlake book. This seems to be my main fiction read right now. Making progress. Liking it.
21. Finish the Krugman book. Luckily this is in the john and it’s a collection of columns. No hurry. Daily progress.
22. Play fetch with Molly Zoom. Did that. lots of times since I wrote Sunday’s list.
23. Write a post about puppy love. Sort of did that, but I left out the sacharine emotional and real parts. I love that dog much like I loved my first girl friend… it’s pure, it’s innocent… there’s a lot of potential… maybe we’lkl play frisbee!
24. Take a nap. You. That one worked out just fine.
25. Take a walk. Oddly, I did this too.
26. Doink around with software. Not much doinkage happened.
27. Doink around with the camera. See above re. not much doinkage.
28. Call Matt and hassle him about visiting. The complex negotiations are in progress. We’re working on the shape of the table right now. And whether talks will be held in San Diego or Kansas city.

That’s AFTER I finish the yard work. (Well, I may not have accomplished much that was on the list, but then I didn’t exactly FINISH the yard work either.)

We’ve always wanted a daughter. Looks like I’ll get my wish. Matt proposed to Wendy. Now, give or take some immigration hassles, there’s going to be a wedding!

Feeling old today because my Uncle Marc has died. He was born in 1924, graduated from Madison East High School in 1941, joined the Air Force that year and served through 1945. In 1947 he married my mom’s little sister Rose andthey lived happily together in the house by the river for forty years when she died of ALS. For the last seventeen years he’s been alone in that house, the house he was born in, grew up in, cared for his mom in. But he wasn’t really alone. My cousins Jean and Jim gave him grandchildren and those grandchildren gave him three great grandchildren in the last few years. I’ll miss him a lot.

In whom there dwells no self-deception and no pride,
Whose lust and selfishness are gone, who is desireless,
Whose wrath is put away, whose self hath cool become-
He is brahmin, a recluse, a monk.

-Udana

Well, if you got to have a little pride, selfishness, self deception, and that smidgeon of lust to get the engine started in the morning, then good on ya! Keeps you in and of the world is what I think. Not a bad thing for a human being.

And wrath! good old wrath… what can I say but BRING IT AWWWWNNNN!!!

A man tore out pages seventy through eighty-nine from last week’s New Yorker, stapled them neatly in the upper left corner and wrote the following over the title box: “For the guy who got me on the bus.”

The article was “The Prince of Possibility - When Ken Kesey seemed capable of making anything happen.” by Robert Stone. I really don’t think anyone can take credit for giving someone else a hand up onto the running board. We each buy our own ticket and we use it as we choose. But the gesture was sweet and the sense that the values of that generation are still alive, warped and lovely as they have always been, brings happiness to the aging hipster in many of us.

In a bit of synchronicity I gave Ben my copy of Bay of Souls for the flight home following his visit this weekend.