U.S. President and modern day crusader George W. Bush dropped in on Iraq’s Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki unannounced today in blatant disregard of diplomatic courtesy and protocol. One billion muslims world-wide were offended by his cavalier bullshit. The paranoid leader of what was formerly known as the free world explained that if he made his movements known ahead of time he would have to deal with his deeply felt insecurities and an irrational fear that drove him to desert the military as a young man and begin a life of drunken dissolution and drug addiction that ended several years ago when he hit bottom and found Jesus. The president, who will turn sixty next month, claims not to have used drugs since his early forties. He claims to have been arrest free since his last arrest for drunken driving in 1976, almost thirty years ago. (His prior arrests for theft and for disorderly conduct occurred before then). The Voice of America reported today,
Prime Minister Maliki learned the president was in Baghdad just five minutes before they met in the U.S. diplomatic compound. He told Mr. Bush that Iraqis are determined to succeed.
Speaking in Arabic, the prime minister said Iraq will stay united and it will stay strong. He spoke of his appreciation for U.S. efforts in Iraq, and expressed the hope American troops will … go home soon. God willing, he said, all the suffering will be over and all the soldiers will … return to their countries.
We don’t know what else the Prime Minister said, because - face it - how many of us speak Arabic? But one assumes he addressed the secret service directly. One can almost hear him saying, “Somebody get this pathetic dry-drunk motherfucker a drink and get his ass back on the plane. None of us are safe with him around and he’s boring me silly.”
In other news today it was announced that Karl Rove, direct mail marketeer and the crusading President’s top political adviser, won’t face criminal charges in a three-year investigation into the leak of a CIA agent’s name. This explains why Bush had to “get out of Dodge,” since he is known for his inability to control that shit-eating grin when he has pulled a fast one.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
PoliticalCritic 06.13.06 at 3:22
It was merely a photo op for the President. It probably helps him in the short-term, but the long term will be decided by the situation on the ground in Iraq.
J. Alva Scruggs 06.13.06 at 4:23
For shame, Frank! He didn’t fling poo at anyone during the trip and you deliberately left that out. It’s omissions like this that will bring blogging into disrepute. Really!
Frank Paynter 06.13.06 at 7:24
Yes Mr. Colbert, umm… Scruggs, I really must apologize for leaving out the important truthy bits. And for a President whose demeanor and behavior in so many other ways resembles our coevolutionary chimpazoid cousin to refrain from crapping in his hand and flinging the poo while running this way and that and mugging for the cameras… well, yes. It is remarkable and again I apologize for failing to mention it.
J. Alva Scruggs 06.13.06 at 7:47
I expect you’ll want to show him the respect he deserves from now on. I’m glad we see eye to eye on this. I was worried for a moment.
joared 06.13.06 at 8:59
Have deliberately avoided news for a few weeks, so thought I’d better pop over here and see what had been going on. Reads like a lot of **** that it’s just as well I missed. Between you and Jon Stewart maybe I can get a good picture of what’s going on in the world now!! *grin*
Winston 06.14.06 at 4:59
“One billion muslims world-wide were offended by his cavalier bullshit.”
Hey, a billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to a LOT of pissed-off folks.
When I first heard His Supreme Idiocy had dropped into Baghdad, my first thought was that this was perhaps even more stupid than Ben R. (Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback) getting his head bashed in and face broken becasuse he was not wearing a helmet when his motorcycle went into kamakaze maneuvers. Stupid people rule!
Bruce 06.15.06 at 9:19
it kills me that all the reports say he visited Baghdad. It’s like flying into the Hartfield International, going to the Airport Hilton, and saying you visited Atlanta. uh, no, not exactly.