Guns, Liquor, and Women

This post may seem a bit indelicate, turning as it does on the impeccable reputation of our ambassadress to Switzerland, Pamela Willeford.

I wonder why so little attention has been paid to the interests and composition of the Nimrod-in-Chief’s hunting party.  We know that Nimrod was carrying a light shotgun, with a light load and that he "peppered" Mr. Whittington at a fairly close range.  We know that he had a Chapaquidick moment. We can assume that he decided it would be better to sober up before reporting the incident, since he is a man with two DWI arrests on his record and it is usually difficult for a sober man to mistake an old codger in hunting garb for a quail.  John Nichols says that the buffoon has admitted to shooting while he was intoxicated, but frankly I’ve spent more time the past few days watching the birds on the feeder than I have paying attention to the breathless accounts by so called news people who have ignored the facts about the evil-doers in DC for the last five years.  Nichols points out that

… the on-bended-knee "reporters" who hang around the briefing room
waiting for a presidential spokesman to feed them their daily diet of
spin look pretty absurd chasing after this particular story with so
much gusto while they continue to ignore the big picture of Cheney’s
misuse of intelligence data before and after the invasion of Iraq and
his role in schemes to punish critics of the administration.

As a country we’ve grown to expect Republican Vice Presidents to be little more than worthless miscreants… Spiro Agnew - the mobsters’ friend, Richard Nixon - the original crook who protested too much, the forgettable Dan Quayle - you gotta wonder where the comedians are on this one.  Why should we expect Dick Cheney, the Fuddster, to be cut from a different cloth?  Answer:  we don’t.  But in the last week we have gone to great lengths to politely ignore the fact that two aging heart patients were out in the brush with a couple of attractive women who are not their wives, with only the Secret (shhhh….) Service for shhhaperonage.  And according to Nichols, we know that Cheney was drunk.

What might the press have said if a Democrat was caught up in a similarly compromising situation with a wealthy, attractive woman?  Wonkette points out the absurdity of trying to tag Cheney with a sexual peccadillo…

        Cheney rumor we don’t believe:

The delay in reporing the incident was to cover up Cheney’s affair with Pamela Willeford.

We thought long and hard about this one, and we just can’t wrap our
minds around the idea of any heterosexual woman fucking Dick Cheney.
Hence, Lynne.

Cheney rumor we do believe:

Cheney was drunk.

So, if it seems too indelicate to research the rumors of wild Viagara nights and sweat soaked sheets on the Armstrong-King Ranch, maybe some enterprising journalist would like to help connect the dots between Pamela Willeford, the Bush administration’s ambassadress to Switzerland, the fabulously wealthy lobbyist Katherine Armstrong (lobbyist for the Swiss pharmaceutical company, Prionics), and the original mad cow himself, Dick Cheney.   Does Harry Whittington’s law firm have a Prionics connection?