Listics

Liz Ditz forwarded the following:

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Dear President Bush

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.Actually,we’re a bit ticked off here in California, so we’re leavingyou.

California will now be its own country. And we’re taking all the BlueStates with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all ofthe North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial toalmost everybody, and especially to us in the new country ofCalifornia. In fact, God is so excited about it, she’s going to shiftthe whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please leteveryone know they need to be back in their states by then.

God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition,we’re getting San Diego. (Sorry, that’s just how it goes.) But God isletting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

Just so we’re clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we’re going to needall Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fightin Fallujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kidsthey’re willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. Andthey don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their kids’ casketscoming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get theGovernator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take BritneySpears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you’ll have to come up with your own late nightTV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and ConanO’Brien. You get… well, why don’t you ask your people at Fox News tocome up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watchCrossfire. That’s a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, reallyhope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.Soon.

Sincerely, California