Weapons of Math Instruction
API
8:51 a.m. June 16, 2024
At New York’s Kennedy Airport today an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the woman is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. She is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, Ashcroft said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns. But we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axes of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle .
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.
(thanks to a friend who would undoubtedly prefer to remain anonymous for forwarding to me this email from his friend)