Listics

We met once at a small conference in Woods Hole, and I think I already loved her through reading her work. We shared a warm embrace, and I knew that she loved me too, briefly, at that moment. Not enough, in fact almost nothing, had passed between us for any nuanced bonding to occur.  But it was true love in a time and place where an old man - himself more driven by love than hormones these days  -  could enjoy the warm hug of a young woman, happy in that moment, no expectations, and an easy letting go.   This week she writes,

When i meet people who spark something in me - intellectually,
spiritually, emotionally, i often fall in love. That feeling of love is

not framed in a sexual sense. I fell in love with my closest friends in
this world - that’s how they became my dear friends. Their
psychological position in my life is very deep. Love, for me, is a very
strong and passionate emotion that extends from utmost respect and
appreciation, awe. With love, there is a sense of warmth and joy,
vulnerability, compassion, trust. Through mutual honor, love is an
emotion that binds people together.

Danah’s unselfconscious yet self-aware examination of love and sexuality is worth reading, worth considering, and a reminder to all of us that "queer" is an acceptable adjective today in discussions of gender issues and sexual orientation.  For too long the "q" word was a pejorative label.  Queer’s emergence over the last few years as a personal and positive identifier is due to people like Danah who have embraced it and strengthened it with their own understanding, yes - and love.