Sanders Meanders…
Working on some kind of oriental calendar, Mike Sanders recently posted his New Year predictions. I’ll reproduce them in bold below with my derisive, snorting, belittling comments and exclamations of amazement that one person could be so ignorant, so narrow, and so perverse. What a schmuck.
1) George Bush will win re-election and will garner 53% of the popular vote.
Colonel Sanders assumes that an election will be permitted during the period of martial law that the dreadfully grotesque hunchbacked Cheney, wearing a Dick Nixon mask and clumping around like Richard III, will declare after he has arrested Laura and the Bushettes and clapped them in irons next to his Whitman Memorial plaque in the UT tower — all this following the untimely death of daddy Prez in a Nascar accident when they allow him to take a few practice laps in a modified racer with a governor and training wheels. Oops. Holy Bananas Bush man! You’re not supposed to drive those things into walls.
A better prediction would be that Dita Beard will somehow turn up in the Lincoln bedroom and be caught on a cell phone camera going down on Laura Bush while the chimp faced Prez looks on, stroking it, but this will not deter the 29% of voters comprising the unholy alliance oif a right-wing Israeli lobby with the Mel Gibson propelled Christian extremists from voting for him as long he doesn’t get any on the rug in the oval office.
2) Atom will replace RSS as the feed format of choice.
Even a hopelessly ignorant bullshit artist can get one out of six correct.
3) There will be many positive signs of Emergent Democracy in the Middle East.
The panel of independent experts isn’t exactly sure what part of the middle-east Mr. Sanders is talking about. Nor could they come to agreement on what an “Emergent Democracy” would look like. Perhaps it would look like Egypt before the assassination of Sadat? Perhaps it would look like Lebanon before the Israeli policy of pre-emptive strikes turned the lush Mediterranean garden spot into a killing ground for fanatical paranoid Israeli storm troopers in the 70’s. Maybe that’s where George Walker B. got his strategeric ideas for world peace and global domination! Would an emergent middle eastern democracy look like the Jordanian constitutional monarchy? No? Maybe it would look like Jordan looked before the country was depressed by the influx of Palestinian refugees driven out of their Israeli homeland? Maybe the only hope for peace and emergent democracy in the middle east is to neutralize both Syria and Israel and send in UN peacekeeping forces, while opening up an international war crimes tribunal fror the prosecution of Ariel Sharon and all who serve him. What kind of smug arrogant prick would make an assertion regarding “emergent democracy” in the middle east. Those countries were democratic while you were still shitting yellow Sanders, and they’ve only been knocked out of plumb by the destabilizing influence of a paranoid population of displaced persons who suffered so horribly in Europe during World War II that they should never have been allowed to emigrate without years of therapy.
4) Microsoft will realize that their current software strategy is headed for disaster and will make some significant moves.
Wrongo Mr. Oracle. This prediction is based on the ridiculous assumption that the MS software strategy is heading for disaster. How foolish. Can you spell Longhorn? Can you spell ROI?
5) The passing of Arafat will signal a change away from the Palestinian’s current embrace of terrorism.
Do you have friends among the Mossad assassination squads Sanders, or do you think a little Israeli bank robbery is going to drive Arafat over the edge. This isn’t a prediction. It’s a callous bet in a dead pool, and I can only reply, “Your mama…”.
6) Blogging will continue to diverge into the Broadcast-Blogging of the heavy hitters and the CB-Blogging of the rest.
Among the reams of meaningless statements written every day by pin headed morons who are comfortable warming their tiny craniums in the nether reaches of their own rectums, this is just another one… not particularly remarkable. Or, as the man said, “Of course the dog can talk, but what does it have to say?”
