Emotional Life Blogging

by Frank Paynter on June 23, 2022

Chris Pirillo is discussing living his life publically online.  Terry Heaton discussed the loss of his wife.  Lisa talked about the loss of her father, and everyone is being open about the challenges of public inspection versus the support of the community.  I think Tamar would have a lot to offer the group in this session.

People are sharing all these personal stories and I’m thinking about all the people I don’t write about out of concern for what effect my thoughts might have on my relationships.  Thinking about my dad, my brother… there’s so much to explore there, but I’m not going to explore it in the blog.  Lisa says that when she moved from paper to pixels the volume of her complaints went down.

Jory says that her blog has helped her clean up her relationships… these are incredibly MINDFUL people, mindful like Tamar, like Ronni, like Liz Ditz.  Jay Rosen says that blgging is emotional, it’s about freedom… he calls blogs “the little first amendment machines.”

Post to Twitter  Post to Plurk  Post to Yahoo Buzz  Post to Delicious  Post to Digg  Post to Facebook  Post to MySpace  Post to Ping.fm  Post to Reddit  Post to StumbleUpon

{ 16 comments }

McD June 23, 2022 at 6:29

Frank,

That was a good session… what I could ctach on video.

There are some benefits to blogging with a pseudonym if you want to explore some personal issues. I mentioned that on the IRC and it got pretty personal and I’m convinced more than ever that anonymity is not a bad strategy when you’re in the habit of poking certain people.

I could use a drink.

McD

Shelley June 23, 2022 at 8:24

me too

McD June 23, 2022 at 9:11

Shelley,

Boy do we miss you… All the voices of impassioned reason have fallen silent.

But I can see what a cross it might be after a time.

Just disengage and get something done. I really need to stop trying fix people and then discover that… they don’t like it.

McD

jeneane June 23, 2022 at 10:45

Yah, but I got to talk to BETH tonight. And that’s cooler than bloggercorn.

Frank Paynter June 23, 2022 at 11:10

She said you wuz on the phone… looking forward to in personage meet n talk at BlogHer.

I could write a chapter in a comedy of manners about tonight’s Thai Food blogstravaganza. Perhaps I will do just that. Under an assumed name so if I piss anyone off they will not put out a hit on me.

David Weinberger was there and many other nice people. Life didn’t totally suck. I was able to comment to his face on the irony of David’s sponsorship by AT&T while the EFF was crouched in adversarial courtroom growling not more than a mile or two away from Werbach’s dungeon. This beats snarking about it here.

Material is piling up here and I’ma gonna get up early and see what I can share. Maybe I’ll wail a little about the US Marshall’s office representative imporunding my camera. I feel so safe with these people on the job.

Shelley… were you on the IRC at B-con today? I saw that McD was. Naughty McD, irritating the big trouts in our l’il pond.

tamarika June 24, 2022 at 5:04

Power to emotional life blogging! I wish I had been there.

“Jay Rosen says that blgging is emotional, it’s about freedom… he calls blogs ‘the little first amendment machines.’”

YES!

Frank Paynter June 24, 2022 at 7:06

Tamar… so many people were sharing stories about their own experience, and the stories that popped up for me were other people’s stories, like YOUR experience with “mining nuggets.” I couldn’t share these of course, because they weren’t my own; but, in a special way they do reflect a little about the emotional life in the blogosphere. Each of us shares something of ourselves through our writing, and then our readers are affected in some way by that sharing.

McD June 24, 2022 at 11:50

Frank,

Please disclose some details of the dinner… maybe in the comment pit.

My experience in the IRC just makes it perfectly clear that blogger about Winer’s foibles in best done anonymously.

Dave makes it sound like his problems with me are my anonymity but there a malice behind his words when you’re on his list that makes me glad he can’t villify my good name. The people he does villify explicitly informs me that this is not a personality one should take lightly.

I really don’t understand the attraction he has from so many otherwise perfectly wonderful people… Doc, Dave W, Steve G, Scoble… I just don’t get it.

But… that’s just me and a few other brave souls that find his Mr. Hyde to be more frightening than his Dr Jeckyl.

Shelley June 24, 2022 at 1:35

McD, I regreted somewhat not having a blog this week. An issue on Flickr and Zooomr et al. But then I’d probably write stuff on Bloggercon, and I don’t see that would be good for folk.

I do have the name for my new weblog whenever I do start it again.

Frank, I wish you would write more about what happened when the recordings faded to black. In a group email if you’re afraid of the Big Dog.

Speaking of which, glad Molly is going to be okay.

I almost joined the IRC with today’s Bridge discussion. I was going to write ‘Neener neener’ when Dave took credit for the start of Blogher.

Is there a transcript of the IRC? McD were you tweaking tigers?

Shelley June 24, 2022 at 1:36

PS I do miss you guys.

McD June 25, 2022 at 2:07

Shelley,

“tweaking tigers?”

Maybe there’s a record of the IRC back channel…

I was trying not to be confrontational… but dave recognized McD as being a hostile blogger and he asked the IRC “Who is McD?” and I commented that I prefer anonymity and that I was just some fan in the bleechers that comments on the game in my blog.

Dave called me a “coward and and asshole” and wnated everyone to know that I’m abusive.

I replied “We’ll I guess I got under your skin”.

Scoble jumped in and echo’ed “McD, your a coward and an asshole”.

I posted some more justifications for anonymity: I blog from work almost exclusively and I delete my blogs to loose readers, etc.

Then I just backed off… It’s clear that once you get on Dave’s list then he feels justified in making sure everyone that trusts him gets the message: don’t trust this guy.

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and will probably just do a Pilgrim on the whole deal… do something positive with my time and let the urge for confronting bullies rest and save that impulse for a better confrontation.

WWFD, be prudent. “What Would Frank Do?”

Frank was there at BloggerCon and he comportede himself well… I would have been all up in Arrington’s face over deleting my comment when I felt Flickr deserved an admonission of improperly hurled
criticism for their open-ness.

When Mike posted his version of let it go:

“Note to Mike: Don’t fuck with Flickr”

I lost it.

I keep trying to fix people and it does little good. My kid is heading to being a MFC and she’ll help me understand how to be more a counselor to these situations and less of a problem.

She’ll probably tell me that the trick is to get the person to take their pain and use it to motivate change within.

I know that my attempts to confront Winer have caused my more pain than
they should… I just like to think that others on Dave’s list like Sam Ruby, S.P., J.S., and others appreciate what Dave calls “Air Support”.

It’ a judgement call wether to consider the source or start typing in opposition to some uncontested claims.

I’ll keep fighting that internal debate and come out a better person for the effort… I hope. I just don’t want to retire from the field because I do indeed turn out to be a coward.

Life is a process of learning… I’m learning from this whole exercise in virtual community.

Shelley June 25, 2022 at 5:10

McD, being critical of people’s actions, especially when those actions have impact on others is necessarily trying to change them. There is the honor factor in that when a Big Person is being an abusive bully, or a badly misrepresentational bully, of another, call them on their shit.

If weblogging turns into being a community governed by a false facade of ‘being nice’, while ripping others behind their backs, then weblogging deserves to die an ignoble death.

TechCrunch, whether Marshall or Arrington was terribly wrong in their post on Flickr, and luckily they were called on it. I ended up still battling this at Flickr, because I strongly believe that giving users ‘everything they want’ is the mark of a lazy idiot who wants to take the money and run.

More than that, the “I’m so noble” fakeness on top of the backhanded slaps almost made me ill.

Just because Arrington has power today, or Dave, doesn’t mean they have a right to be abusiveness, or cruel, or manipulative.

You have to follow your own path. If it makes you unhappy to fight these battles, then of course stop. But I could give a shit if you’re ‘anonymous’ when you’re being honest.

I wish someone had said something in the conference about this going on in the IRC. The fact that no one did, showed me that this conference, un or not, was just as fake as some of the people there.

It makes me sad, that weblogging values this over the genuinely good stuff we’re now missing because too many people have fallen silent over this bullshit. And I don’t include myself in this.

I’m not going to take Dave Rogers’ line, saying what do I know? I make all this shit up.

I do know bullshit when I see it. I don’t make it up, but it is shoved in my face. And I wouldnt be able to face myself in the mirror if I didn’t push back those times when I see others hurt because of it.

But if you have a chance to find the IRC archives, email me a link. After all, it’s up to the air support to keep informed.

Shelley June 25, 2022 at 5:12

Sigh. Frank, why can you have my edit capability?

“McD, being critical of people’s actions, especially when those actions have impact on others is not necessarily trying to change them.”

McD June 26, 2022 at 9:57

Shelley,

I’m sure I came here hoping for some small affirmation that I’m not just a troll and your
comments have helped. Your comments carry the weight of your excellence in Blogging. You blogged in the tech space with a transparency, a sincere effort to gets the facts behind the latest “meme war” and an advocacy for honesty that no one has equaled in my eyes.

I understand that I have hurt Dave Winer and apparently at least one comment on Mike Arrington’s blog (that was deleted) was a deemed offensive and maybe hurtful by him.

I listened to Mike Arrington’s facilitated session on “Core Values” and heard a lot of echos of Mena Trott’s basic message at her conference: we need to raise the standard for civility on the web people cause it’s not right to hurt people.

Mike continued what I feel is a short sighted characterization of Flickr and Stewart Butterfield that I would definately have open for more dialogue if I had been at the conference. Needless to say, it’s good for everyone that I wasn’t there. There’s just too much pent up frustration on my end to handle the event in the manner that Frank did. And I really need to understand why I feel compelled to take up rhetorical arms in this battle of wills over a fair and civilized blogosphere.

I think I would consider myself a coward if I didn’t speak up when I think someone is using the power of their blog to bully. I’ve already admitted repeatedly to being an asshole but I’m balking at admitting to be a coward.

I would certainly support efforts to raise the level of dialogue to a more civilized level but what I hope would happen would be more effective handling of conflict through a wisdom of crowds effect. Sometimes I see such effects in the commment pits of the bloggers I respect the most.

People who partake in the on going dialogue of the web define themselves to others with their words. Those words are, to me, more important that their looks, their personal wealth or the companies for whom they work. I relish a meeting of minds. There’s an opportunity to learn and change from the conflicts that emerge.

There are ideas, values and core principles at stake and I think we find comrades in these discussions that help us endure the injuries of these conflicts and give us the support we need to keep trying to elevate the discussion beyond personal attacks to the underlying issues that are more important.

Frank Paynter June 26, 2022 at 10:19

Maybe this is just me, but I think Mike is at the point where he needs to “monetize” TC by selling it, and rather than looking at that in a straight-forward way, he’s inventing a social pressure excuse, much like my dinner partner the other night was able to change seats because of the fight he started. (Talk about projection… I am purely making that stuff up. But if I was Mike, I’d sell TC because the time is right and he’s in it for the money.) I’m not saying either of these people understands their own motivations, but it’s nothing that a thousand al-anon meetings wouldn’t cure. Or intensive therapy.

McD June 26, 2022 at 2:34

Shelley,

I haven’t found an IRC archive yet… but I blogged the IRC chat that I screen-scraped.

I don’t want to drag you into this… you served enough time on the front lines of this debate and suffered for the experience, I’m guessing.

I didn’t have such a soul searching week-end since the time I asked Scott McNeally to compensate “sales” engineers better vs the sales people in front of 3,000 Sales Engineers in 1995. We didn’t get to ask questions ever again except through cards. I was sure I’d be fired for embarassing the CEO in front of such an audience.

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