Surely you’re not mimicking the ever-voracious American car-buyer whose purchases keep getting bigger and scarier (the sight of you on that awesome machine is some pretty scary shit, btw).

No, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and attribute it to meaner growth on the plantation.

Eggs On Cheese Pie – Cooking distance: 55 miles
Another good breakfast food, or anytime food. Legend has it that the recipe (minus the cooking method) originated in medieval monasteries. A holy treat.

Ingredients:
Breadcrumbs (Italian or fresh homemade)
1/2 pound mozzarella cheese, cubed
6 eggs (free range folks….be good)
Diced Canadian bacon (optional)
6 empty tuna-fish cans for cooking
Pinch of cayenne and paprika (optional)
Butter or spread.
Salt & pepper.

Wash 6 empty tuna cans and butter the insides. Sprinkle a few tablespoons of breadcrumbs into each can and shake to cover the base evenly. Dump out excess. Now cover with mozzarella (and bacon if desired) then crack an egg on top of each, add seasonings and spices on top, then cover with mozzarella. Wrap cans tightly in foil, place on a hot part of the engine with good contact for the base of each can, and after 55 miles they should be good. If not, keep driving till the cheese has melted.

For afters:

Pepsi-Cola Cake
with Broiled Peanut Butter Frosting

Cake:

* 2 cups flour
* 2 cups sugar
* 2 stick butter, melted
* 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
* 1 cup Pepsi-Cola (with fizz)
* 1/2 cup buttermilk
* 2 eggs, beaten
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1 1/2 cups miniature marshmallows

Frosting:

* 6 tablespoons butter
* 1 cup dark brown sugar
* 2/3 cup smooth peanut butter
* 1/4 cup milk
* 2/3 cup chopped peanuts

To make cake:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9x13x2-inch sheet cake pan. Combine flour and sugar in a large bowl. Combine melted butter, cocoa, and Pepsi and pour over flour and sugar mixture. Stir until well-blended. Add buttermilk, beaten eggs, soda, and vanilla. Mix well. Stir in marshmallows. Pour into prepared pan. Bake 40 minutes. Remove cake from oven and frost while still barely warm.

To make frosting:
Cream butter, sugar, and peanut butter. Beat in milk. Fold in nuts. Spread over cake.

Place frosted cake under broiler about 4 inches from heat source. Broil just a few seconds, or until topping starts to bubble. WATCH CONSTANTLY AND BE CAREFUL NOT TO SCORCH FROSTING! Let cool at least 30 minutes before serving. Serves 8 to 10.

Mmmmmm, I’m so hungry I could eat a palamino! LOL.

i’m thinking this hat.

But you know what you need?

That’s right: a John Deere trucker hat.